We can see how the above behavior could be confusing. But she is, after all, a woman..And women have a god given right to be confusing if they so choose. :)

To be perfectly honest, we are at a loss to explain why she is acting that way.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, your best course of action is to sit down with her and, basically, tell her everything you wrote above. Tell her that you also, have an interest in the Lifestyle, but that the mixed signals you are receiving from her have you confused.. We bet you will find that she is as probably confused by her feelings as you are.. :)

Rest assured, though, that these feelings are perfectly normal.. The SWING Lifestyle is a VERY big step in a relationship and not one that should be taken lightly.

We hope this helps somewhat. Please feel free to ask anymore questions.. :)


. . . .

First off, find out what you can about your local club. If it is a social club over an on premise club we would recommend finding out the orientation procedure. Find out how often they have the orientations. Also, ask for any club information they have. Many clubs will send you an information packet. Get it. The reason for this is you two are at the crux. You are at the point we all have been. You are right between fantasy and reality. The information packet should if it's any good get you two started in considering some of the realities of swinging.

One of those realities is talking about how if you go through with this, is going to affect your relationship. Not only right at that time but the next day, and long after that.

You see, she has told you that she doesn't want to sleep with another man, but she wants to swing. She doesn't know if she can handle the thought of you with another woman, but she wants to swing. She doesn't want either of you to do these things alone but TOGETHER.

After you get the information. Sit down and go over it, together. Then I would suggest meeting the orientation couple. Most often, the club will have the owners, or another couple, meet with new couples to talk only! They know as we know that you must have about 1,000 questions about all manner of thought about what swinging REALLY is. Well you'll remember to ask about 20 to 50 of them.

Then you'll go home and wonder what the fuck to do. Talk some more. Then at some point, you might find that, a suggestion we used, might work for you. Agree to go to the event, but agree to only go see what sort of people go to this club. You agree in advance, that no matter what, you don't play. Dance with others, perhaps allow a little kissing, or foreplay if it comes up. All of that depends on you two. No you two have to sit down and agree that even if Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (whomever), are there and choose you to play that evening, you will ask them to look for you the next time.

The reason for this is it might allow you to go and relax a little. Get a chance to meet other people and see if you want to have a thing to do with this group of whackos. Meet a few couples and ask them some of the questions, you wish you had remembered in the orientation.

Hopefully, some where along the line you will come to the realization, that you two are going to have to set up some rules and guidelines on how this new activity is going to work out. It is a new social situation and you two are going to have to work out how you two will operate in it.

You will find that you are going to be asked a ton of questions, if you think about playing with another couple. Things like, do you separate? Same room, or different rooms? Condoms? Is she bi? Oral, anal, feet? ;-)

Hell when some couples say they can't find another couple that is compatible, it's not all that there is no spark, but that the dancing rules can't be worked out.

You see, actually saying to your spouse that you would go to a swinger's event, is one of the harder things in a relationship that you can do. You in a way should be celebrating, the hard part is past, all that is left is the figuring out the details.

Now I don't want to tell you, too much, but when she says she doesn't think she can handle the thought of you with another woman, we think she is wanting to hear you say, "I don't want another woman, UNLESS you are there with me". When she says she
doesn't want another man, she doesn't want another man. You are her man! She wants you. But she is open to the idea of playing with another couple as a couple!

In the beginning, and perhaps longer, some couples really don't think of the other players as fully people. Hold on before you loose you top. Not a full person in the way you might see someone as a possible mate. Playmate, yes. Mate, no.

To be honest, we think she's on track. You are confused because you don't understand the question she is asking. Can you get your head around this "swinging" concept. In a way, playmates are not a whole more than toys to help you two in your sexual relationship.
Well there is another possibility. She wants you to take her to a swinging event so she can have sex with women, and that is all that is ever going to happen. You might be allowed to watch, but don't think of even buying condoms, as you will not need them.

Now it's up to you to find out what question you are being asked.